Come on, you have GOT to see this one coming. I think there comes a time in everybody's life where there has been at least a short point of time where you felt so insecure about your body and you either:
1. Dressed in nothing but baggy oversized tops and jeans to stay out of attention
2. OR if you're one of the more disciplined/smarter ones, you'd actually eat healthy and hit the gym...
3. And then there are those like me(which I like to believe are a majority of girls) who complain about their weight & size all the time but won't/can't do anything about it.
In my defense, I'm not just bloody dissatisfied by my fats but rather, also my unattractive distribution of muscles. I ain't messing with your heads. I absolutely cannot stand my legs or arms. I've also actually tried doing something about it from going on a diet to exercising to somewhat even just not eating hoping to lose some muscles but they just won't go away.
I'm not what you would call the typical asian skinny girl. Yes, I acknowledge and I'm thankful I have a slightly smaller waist than others but it stops there. Hell, I kid about it all the time but I'm insecure about how my calves, thighs are actually bigger than half(?) of my guy friends and don't get me started on my broad shoulders. It's pretty embarrassing honestly; a girl should not look like that. But just to please everybody, I just brush it aside in public and laugh it off with everyone else pretending I'm proud of them. They say confidence in a girl is sexy but how do you feel confident if you can't even feel secure about yourself?
Worst part of it all, I never realised how things got so out of control until it was too late; I was too hooked up with dance, taekwondo and cheer back in high school but that's my story. Thinking about genetics and upbringing is another case altogether and how can we ever dismiss that. I only begin to notice how 'different' I was when I entered college.. which brings me to the truth of why I only ever wore long baggy jeans, sneakers and t-shirts to class everyday back then. Have you ever stop to think everytime you complain, someone else out there has it worse? I know I have which is why I use to be thankful that things could be worse for me but then I opened my eyes and worse, my ears. Girls left and right always complaining about how they felt when to me, they looked absolutely perfect and I was dying to be one of them so who am I to be happy with how I look when I'm nowhere close to the 'typical' malaysian girl.
SO that person has fantastic grades, a bright future, a wide circle of friends, money, elegance, charm etc etc. The list can go on and on but let's face it, the first thing you do when you meet someone, you can't help but to form an overall impression at first glance just based on appearance. That's what everyone does and being asian makes things worse; most of my girlfriends are stick-thin and still dying to be skinnier and I'm just sitting on my butt thinking if only they knew how lucky they are.
Instagram just proved how oriented we are when it comes to physical attractiveness. My intention when I created an insta account was pure.. at first. I was studying for my semester finals so I thought I could check out (well, stalk really but check out sounds so much better) what my friends were up to during my break time in between studies. That's when my whole life went downhill once again.
We're always going to be dissatisfied with how we look including the guys. I think it's quite a fad now for guys to to be either bulking/cutting? Well, I don't blame the guys for wanting to look at 'hotter' girls cause the converse happens with girls searching for 'cuter' guys. Though you have to admit somehow there just seems to be more attractive females to look at rather than males back home in KL. Anyway, back to the point; I admit I find it extremely hard to be happy with how I look and yes, I whine about it way too much but hey, one day I'll either shut up about it, come to accept myself or actually do something about it. Until then, just accept the rants I have for you because let's face it, you have your own insecurities as well though it might not be appearance you're worried about (but I'm sure 90% share the same concern) and you might not be as verbal as I am. The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing I'm never going to be alone about my fears.
I'm still on that 'journey' of figuring out what to do at this point but for now, I'm going to start(well, re-start) a little cleaner with my diet so wish me luck?
causeevesaidso
